Who I am

(Shuffles papers nervously)
(clears throat and looks out at sea of faces)
Ummm. My name's Grant. (looks down at blurry words). I'm 40.

(falters)

The...project was to give a speech about myself. About who I am.
Do I know who I am? Hmmm. Do any of us? I feel like I've been so many people. 35 years ago I was a boy running down a 1973 fireflied coolnight lawnmowered street. Everything was black and white for him and the bugs caught in his grin when he ran. A lad with no fear of the future and someone who would watch the world with a perpetual smile.

In 1976 we moved to a larger house. I was 8. Bigger room, smaller world. Something happened to shrink it. Not sure what. Must have started taking allergy medication around this time. It...stunted me. The word "withdrawn" is a severe understatement. Most of my adolescence was spent this way.

...but you don't wanna hear all this stuff, do you?

(scratches chin)

I'm shy. Can't help it. Speaking up here just gives me a case of the shakes and I know my voice is cracking. But I have this NEED to validate myself in some fashion to all of you.
I like people. I'm not sure people like ME though.

You're looking at a man who didn't form the friendships he would have liked to. Sure, I had friends, but due to my shyness and the general haze that the medication put me into, I didn't excel or stand out in any particular way in school. Books were friends. I related better to girls than to boys. There were problems at home and my coping method was to retreat, much as a mouse retreats to the safety of a well-known crevice. With occasional fits of anger and glee, I survived to see age 15.

(grips podium)

At age 16 I left home. My parents split up. The next couple years were hell, I will not lie. Any hope I had of a "normal" late adolescence went out the window right then. Between going to court to emancipate myself, to working, to finishing school...I basically formed no lasting friendships and could see myself slipping. I wanted CONNECTION (thumps podium) but for some reason I just...couldn't...get it.

So at 19 I joined the Air Force in a foolhardy attempt to change my life. Seemed like a good idea at the time. It was either this or work for the Post Office and I was trying to find my own way. So my longhaired self joined up and I managed to make myself miserable in only 8 months. Between self doubt and a failed infatuation, I fucked up any chance of a career in the service. Sorry to swear.

I came back to Minnesota and attempted a rebuild. This was 1988. I was still living with the family friends that had helped my sister and I get away from my parents. Fast food in downtown Minneapolis was the best job option I could find, at the time.

(ponders)

You don't really wanna know all this, do you?

Ok. I went to tech school for electronics. Graduated. Got married. Lived in a house for 13 years before finding homeowning impossible. Currently in Buffalo where my wife, sister and I live in a 3 bedroom townhome.

And this is STILL not telling you all who I am.

(teeters nervously)

I...am a product of a society that tends to overlook those who don't stand out. Much as I have tried to make myself known, I've never succeded, to my mind. I could stand up here and do my funny voices, tell you about my interests in meditation, The Goon Show, about my internet friends, about my interests in music and the beat generation, but would it be remembered?

Probably not.

(sniffs)

I'm a rather isolated man. One who's just trying to make it through a world he really doesn't understand, with the help of friends, and family who love him. I'm sad a lot, thinking of missed chances, but I'm thankful for the chances that life's given me. I have unseen passions, unknown heights of bliss, untapped qualities and I'm never gonna be quite what you think I am. But I love life. And I love people. And if you give me half a chance I'll show you all that I can be the best friend you ever had, if you can deal with my moods.

I hope to do something stellar one day. And I hope that I can get to know you all better.

Thank you.